Happy Birthday

If you know a Marine…literally ANY Marine…you know that tomorrow is the Marine Corps birthday.

Why would you know this if you are not a Marine? Because EVERY Marine will tell you it is the Corps’ birthday. They all know it. They all celebrate it. I am pretty sure most of them hold tomorrow on an equal plane with Christmas and higher than their own wedding anniversaries.

And if you know a Marine, and they don’t bring it up, for your own sanity don’t say anything. If you do, you’ll get a long history lesson about a bunch of drunk guys in a bar in Philadelphia. Appropriately, that’s where it all started. Drunk guys in a bar.

I kid because I love the Marines. The services give each other shit all the time. It is part of our culture. If you didn’t know, the Marines are still part of the Department of the Navy. They will tell you it is the “Men’s Department”. They will tell you lots of other things about the Marines, even if you don’t ask. They will tell you they have the best dress uniform (and they do). They will tell you that every Marine is a rifleman first (which they are). They will tell you they accomplish their mission with the oldest and shittiest equipment in the military (also true). They will brag that Marines are in better shape than the rest of the services (on average, definitely true).

Never refer to them as an “ex-Marine” unless they were kicked out of the Corps. They are all “former Marines” or just “Marines”, as in they are Marines until they die. You shouldn’t have a hard time spotting a former Marine, they almost never leave the house without at least one piece of clothing that says USMC on it. Often, more than one. Oh, or tattoos. They will have one of those, too. It will say USMC, be a Globe and Anchor, or possibly a bulldog. Sometimes they will incorporate all three into one tattoo. There will be lots of grunting and use of the word “Oooo-rah” or just “Rah”. Yes, those are actual words in the Marine Corps.

If you get into a pinch and you need to distract a Marine, you can use a bottle of liquor, a stripper, or a tasty box of crayons. They love those like a dog loves a Milk-Bone. Or you can ask them how many “tours” they have, and when they start talking about long trips on Navy ships to the Pacific or the Mediterranean, tell them you mean actual combat tours and not sightseeing trips. They love that, too. Or you can ask them the last time they did an actual amphibious assault in combat…which is their primary reason for existing. Or how many Marines participated in the largest amphibious assault in history. Hint, the answer is zero. They will laugh. I promise. Big chuckles from the Marines when you talk about that stuff. Big chuckles.

Again, I kid because I love. The Marines are the closest thing us Army guys have to brothers and sisters in the other services. They fight on the ground like we do. They sleep in the dirt like we do. They eat shitty food like we do. They are the Army, but smaller. They love it when you say that.

Happy birthday to all my Marine friends…all you crayon eating sonsabitches. Ooo-Rah!